Run
by Chapo
Summary: Cristina and Burke aren't together anymore. Post 3.09.BANG.
1. Chapter 1

A/N : Be nice with me because it's my first fanfiction and I don't speak english fluently because I'm french. Reviews would be very much appreciated to tell me what I could improve in my writing. Enjoy it!

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**Run**

**Chapter One**

_Run, Breathe, Move on, Breathe, Run, Go on._

_Breathe, Run, Longer, Faster, Don't think._

_Breathe, Just run and breathe._

Running was the only means she had found to feel lighter. When her feet lead her, her mind couldn't follow the race and she stopped rambling.

For once in her day, she lost the leaden coat she couldn't get rid of since that day.

The day he had shut the door in her face.

The day he had stopped loving her.

The day he had definitively dumped her.

Her thoughts had already caught up her flight. She had to run more. Focus on her moves. On her breath. Listen to the blood beating widly against her temples.

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

Let the fog of exhaustion take the control. Wait until she feels in tune with her body. Until body squashes spirit. Run at least for a few more minutes, for inner peace…

She threw herself headlong into the race.

When she felt sweat rolling into her eyes, Cristina stopped, out of breath. She had finally managed to dispel her concerns. At least for a while.

Jogging was the best moment in her day, after surgeries. But she didn't scrub in very often lately.

Jogging meant oversight. No guilt. No worries. No anger. No sadness. No remorse. No regrets. Just pain and tiredness in her body instead of her mind.

She put a foot on a bench, stretching her right leg, trying to control her blow. She never forgot to do exercises after running, even if she had now jogged nearly everyday for more than two months.

Sixty-three days. Sixty-three damned long days. Sixty-three

Since that day when…

_Stop it Yang ! Don't feel sorry for yourself ! You have an edge, you have a passion ! You are an independant, smart woman who doesn't whine!_

She sighed softly, trying to relax.

When would she give up counting?

Why couldn't she just enjoy the moment ?

Why couldn't she erase memories ?

Lightness was flying away.

Changing her leg on the bench, still flexing and stretching, she looked for anything to take her minf off. Usually, where she ran didn't matter, what was important was the run.

But today was different.

As she looked up for comfort, her gaze was caught by a troubling vision beyond the naked trees.

Her feet had mislead her.

_Betrayed by her own feet ! How ironic was that ?_

Would she never be able to escape ?

Was she condemned to fall again ?

To lose the edge she tried so hard to regain ?

She had to shut her eyes to the fact…Her feet knew what she wanted and had just given her what she denied her mind.

Fate hated her. Fate loved her.

She couldn't be there…

_A suivre…_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

She could have run everywhere in Seattle. And she had come to the place she was trying so hard to avoid. In front of her, half hidden, stood the building of thei… his appartment.

She had left her running to chance. No hidden message here ! No freudian sleep !

_Blast it ! She missed this appartment !_

After their break-up, she had spent two weeks at the hotel. Meredith had offered a place in her house but she wanted to be alone. Actually, she didn't. But the only person who could have warmed her, had thrown her out, and worse, had put a safety lock on his life.

_« I don't want you to stick »_

« I thought you were the best thing that had ever happened in my life. Better than surgery. And you destroyed both. »

She had waked up on the couch this morning. She could hardly open her eyes and her head ached. But physical pain was nothing compared to the wrench that seized her heart when she met his eyes, coldly looking at her.

« Give me my key back Cristina »

« We are over. No clean cut this time. »

« I called you a cab. Leave me alone. »

She hadn't cried. She hadn't fought. She wasn't Cristina Yang anymore. She could feel emptiness creep into her. She was a broken shell he had thrown in the sea. She had silently left.

Regrets, remorse, revolt and despair had risen later at Joe's.

« Where am I supposed to go ? ». In no way, she could deal with Izzie, George and McDreamy. Not yet. She hated them.

She spent the day drinking and talking and drinking and shouting and drinking and crying with supportive Meredith. Until she forgot why she was hurt. Until she was too sick to think.

She needed a neutral place. A place without memory. A place she could taint with bitterness and pain.

She didn't remember what happened in the next couple of weeks. One night, while she was having an now usual insomnia, she turned on the light and looked at herself. She didn't recognize what she saw. It was like an electric shock. She was drowning herself. She needed to surface. She had to relearn how to swim. She jumped of the bed, slipped into some discarded sportswears and went out. Dawn was about to break. Throbbing pain was still there, gripping her shoulders but at least, fog had dispersed and she could clearly identify it…

That missing part of herself, still bleeding for 63 days, was now in front of her. Unclean cuts couldn't be repaired. She had consciensiously avoided it since she had left the hotel to rebuild her life. She had picked a new appartment at the exact opposite of the town.

Yet, she was experiencing an inaccountable rise of energy, a soft warmth growing in her chest. Hemorragy was slowing down.

A light smile raised on her face. She reluctantly turned back. She had to go. Never had her running been so peaceful.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three**

The day went fast. She was on call for 48 hours and had spent most of her time in the pit. Whether it was still part of her punishment, she didn't mind. Today was different. Today she had found a tiny piece of her longtime lost soul. She knew that seeing her past life didn't mean having it back. She knew it might be a delusion. But could she refuse the only cure for pain ? Nobody could heal her. She had to take automedication. She was a doctor. She knew what was good to her, right ?

But, to be a good patient, you have to regularly take your medicine. So did Cristina. Running to that park quickly became a ritual. Not one of those morbid ceremonies where you selfpity or cry on your loss. Retracing her steps had an odd effect on her. Paradoxically, it allowed her to get some perspective, to take further forward.

After a few days, everything seemed to have improved in her life. Her relations with her fellow interns. Bailey's trust. Even if the resident, in a very nazy way, was still harsh, at least, she wasn't mad at her anymore. She had also managed to scrub in on an aortic valve replacement without feeling nauseatous. She worked harder than ever. She wanted to succeed. She wanted to win back her self-esteem. She wanted to be that A-student she used to be. She was back in the game and if that meant run to that park everyday until she retires, she'd do it.

That's why, she never missed her daily breath of oxygen. Sometimes, she was there very early in the morning before rounds. The city was sleeping. It was very quiet. She just sat on a bench, listening to her Ipod, surrounded by maples and oaks.

But her favourite moment, to her great surprise, was the middle of the morning, when the park started to fill with strollers.

_When had she started to like being surrounded by strangers? _

_This breakup had deeply upset her!_

_Whatever !_

_She was at least on the road to recovery._

A week and half had passed since her first time here. It was 10 Am and she had her day off. She had planned to return to SGH later to watch surgeries. But for now, time was suspended. She was looking at the world living around her. Old man barely moving with walking stick. Dogs wandering on the grass. A little girl was making an angry outburst in front of a kiosque. Her nanny was unsuccessfully trying to calm her down. Cristina smiled. This kid deserved a reward for her stubborness.

And of course, there were joggers. She could have told them who they were, just by looking at the way they dressed or moved. She had become an expert at this game. Well, she never asked for confirmation. Her bad manners had their limits ! Her favourite sportsmen were the flashy ones. They wore pink and yellow fluorescent costumes to make sure everybody would notice them. They didn't run for themselves. They did it because they could tell their friends or coworkers. They were so hilarious waving big gestures and talking loud when they met each other. Once, Cristina nearly died laughing : a tinselly middle-age man had fallen in the mud while he was trying to seduce a skinny pink girl. Who said you mustn't laugh at someone's misfortune ?

Few of them were running today. She let her eyes wander on other joggers. Two women entered the park. They looked friendly and made her think of Meredith and her. Then, a nice looking man passed by her left side. She allowed herself to scan his body. He had a handsome face but he was too small and pale. His waist wasn't as wide as she would have liked. God ! She had become so hard to please! Maybe her standards were too high… Maybe she had lost forever the only man she desired…

_Focus Yang ! There are million of men ouside. He's not the only one !_

She forced herself to carry on with observation.

_Here was one proof !_

She had just seen for a second the perfect body, partially hidden by bushes,. Wraped in a red sweater, she had caught a glimpse of broad shoulders and powerful chest. This day was becoming very interesting ! She sat up straight and tried to guess where the stranger would be next. As she was staring at the end of the bush alley, he reappared.

She was right. This man was perfect for her.

She leapt on her feet and ran away.

_How could she be so reckless ?_

_Had Burke noticed her ?_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four 

Meredith woke up suddenly as a storm entered the on-call room in which she was sleeping. An agitated Cristina was framed in the door.

« Wake up Mer ! It's an emergency. »

« But I haven't been paged… » grumbled Meredith, still half asleep. Cristina quickly closed the door and started to pace up and down.

« Cristina, what the hell are you doing ? » asked sharply Meredith, starting to put her shoes. « You said they needed us !»

She stopped talking as she caught Cristina's worried look.

« It's not about surgery, is it ? »

Cristina was still stepping forward and back between the door and the bunk. Finally, she sat on the ground. Her back and head were resting against the cold wall. Meredith was confused and worried. Cristina hadn't looked so upset for at least a week. She hoped her friend had started to heal her deep wounds but she was wrong. Unless…

« Cristina ! Why did you wake me up if you don't even want to t… »

« I saw him », Cristina interrupted.

« What ? Who ? … »

Cristina didn't answer but she couldn't hide an unintentional smile. Meredith was astonished. She hadn't seen her friend even faintly smile for months ! There was no explanation to that sudden change. Or maybe there was an obvious one.

« Oh… You saw HIM… »

She paused to let Cristina time to find her words. But the intern had now closed her eyes and didn't move.

« Are you Ok with that ? », she went on cautiously.

« Of course i'm not ! I saw him for the first time in two months! I saw him and I still care !»

Meredith said nothing. She knew Cristina too well to ignore there was more. Cristina sighed.

« I was next to his appartment»

Meredith sat beside her and softly asked :

« Was it on purpose ? »

«No. No ! I don't know… I just found myself there one day. I was jogging. I wasn't thinking while I was running. I just came there. And I came back…. Everyday… »

« Oh… Cristina… »

« I know. I've been a fool. I did not even think for a second I could meet him. I… I had just found a place to rest and to feel alive. »

« Maybe it is not that bad. »

« It isn't ? How could that possibly be good for me ? » Cristina sneered, in totall disbelief.

« Perhaps you don't manage to forget a ghost and you have to see him to move on. » She paused, not sure of what she was going to say next.

« Or maybe, it's more… »

« Like what ? »

« Like the two of you are meant to be together. You've never really tried to fix it. Maybe it's a sign you have to sue for peace... »

« Thanks Mer ! I really feel better ! That's it ! I'm going to meet him and tell how he was right to DUMP me! AGAIN ! »

Something was infuriating her and she couldn't help shouting louder and louder. She had got up and was now making big threatening gestures. She hadn't finished her speech yet and Meredith knew she had pushed too far.

« I'll also tell him how GOOD I felt after he toke his key back ! How a wonderful man he was when he threw all this crap full in my face ! I'll give him a hug and everything will be okay ? Really brilliant idea Mer ! »

She was out of breath when she stopped. She opened the door and rushed out. She didn't cast a glance at Meredith even if she knew she was wrong. She knew she'd have to apologize to Meredith.

But for the moment she was too angry because her best friend might be right.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five 

Cristina Yang was a good liar. She knew it. Her friends knew it but never noticed when she did lie. And those days, she lied a lot. To Meredith when she pretended she would NEVER take the risk to see Burke again in that park. To herself when she ran every morning, pretending she just loved the place and that there was nothing more.

In fact, she resisted three days before giving in to temptation. On the fourth one, she put on her darker clothes, especially the black hooded sweater and she sneaked into the park. She was worried first. She tried to act as normally as possible but she couldn't help catching quick glances. Everytime she saw a man of Burke's size and carrure enter her field of view, she pulled the cloth over her eyes and looked down. But he didn't show this day.

On the fifth day, she bought a newspaper at the newsvendor at the southern entry. Then, she looked for a secluded place. She was still searching a perfect observation post, when she noticed a runner out of the corner of her eye. She nearly jumped in a copse, sat on the nearest bench and opened her newspaper in a hurry. Her heart was racing. Burke was there, she knew it for sure. She didn't need to check. Once her cardiac rythm had slowed down, she looked up slowly. Nobody in sight. She sighed with relief and allowed herself to look around. Again, her heart leapt up. 20 meters away, Burke was doing stretching exercises. This time, she didn't completly hide herself. Eyes were the only part of her body that was visible. And she enjoyed the scene…

His red shirt was wet with sweat. It was a new one. And after consideration the one he was wearing last time was new too.

_Was he getting himself a new wardrobe ? Who did he want to seduce ? No kidding, the man was such particular about his apparence !_

This thought brought a smile on her face. He didn't need to wear fine clothes to be good-looking … Naked Burke wasn't bad either… She shook her head to expel these arousing memories. A young woman stopped in front of him and quickly caught back Cristina's attention. _What the hell was she doing ? Trying to seduce him ? Seriously, this multicolor stuck-up ? She had no chance !_

She couldn't help lowering the newspaper and slightly leaning forward to see. Burke rolled up his left sleeve, looked at his watch, then uttered some words and quietly resumed exercises. The woman left. Relieved, Cristina leant back against the bench and resumed her activity. His figure was both thin and powerful. Even it wasn't worth Tulane's one, this shirt was nice. The garment greatly showed off his strong arms and chest. Even from a long way, she could guess the line of each muscle… Her daze was stopped by the barking of a dog next to her. She reluctantly got up and ran away. She had to work.

While she was making her way to the exit, a few meters from there, Burke looked towards her for the first time. He had a smile on his face and his eyes were shining.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

A few days had passed. Trees started to bud again and light was brighter. The park had begun its early spring metamorphosis.

But what had remained nearly unchanged was our two joggers' routine. Every morning, Cristina paused for her daily stalking. She had found the perfect place to watch without being seen. From her seat, she could glance at the both main entries but passers-by could hardly catch a glimpse of her petite figure. She had grown calmer and less cautious. Most of the time, she brought a textbook and just read, looking up from time to time.

Burke had also got into the habit of his morning run. He was always there when she arried, or, at least, always showed himself later.

Cristina didn't need to constantly stare at him anymore. His presence was enough to fill the hollow that had grown inside her since their break-up. Nevertheless, she had noticed a few change, like his new clothes. He alsmo seemed happier and this spark in his eyes she hadn't seen for months, even when they were still a couple. She wondered if he had met someone… Someone he cooked for. Someone he hold tight before he fell asleep. Someone he loved….

She didn't want to think about it, it was too painful. Even if it was a placebo, he was the medicine she needed.

Once or twice, she had been on the verge of giving in. When she was so eager to get up and run towards him, she prefered to leave hastily. She wasn't ready to face him. She was a coward but she couldn't simply do it. If he rejected her, if he looked at her with frosty eyes, she would never get over it.

She could have taken a chance, three days ago, when he ahd come to SGH for an appointment with the chief. But she had managed to avoid him by volunteering to the pit. Fear overwhelmed needs and wishes. None of her friends, even Bambi, knew what they had talked about.

Contradictory rumours had sprung through the hospital but she turned a deaf ear to them.

Then came a morning when Cristina Yang learnt she wouldn't need to make that step. As usual, she was sitting, studying for her next surgery when she suddenly felt something was abnormal. She looked around and didn't find burke's familiar figure. It was very unusual because he had just been there for a few minutes and rarely left so fast. While she was scanning surroundings, she sensed a presence behind her and abruptly turned round.

He was standing there. A shy smile on his face, holding two coffees.

« Looking for someone ? »

His voice was deep and steady but his eyes shone with mixed amusement and uncertainty.

« You'd be a great secret agent, you know. You're barely noticeable here. »

Cristina stood open-mouthed but she managed to stammer :

« Wh…What are you talking about ? »

Burke frankly smiled as he regained confidence. He knew she wasn't there by chance and neither was he.

They were acting as a cat plays with a mouse for weeks now. He had fought to not catch her looks, to feign indifference, just allowing his eyes to fall on her when she left. He didn't want to be the one who, again, would make the first step. Then he had changed his mind…

« I managed to find you, so maybe surgery is a better choice for you than becoming a James Bond girl », he explained showing her textbook. He was silently cursing himself. He hadn't talked to her for monthsand he was making jokes. Calling her a james Bond girl wasn't the brightest idea he had had in his life.

Cristina's blood ran cold. He accused her of stalking. All this time, he had noticed her. She couldn't breathe, overwhelmed with embarassment and panic.

« Do you want some coffee ? », he asked cautiously.

« I have to go, sorry… Surgery… », she mumbled, filling nervously her bag.

« Oh !…Okay… ». His disappointment was obvious.

She started to run away. Her dark hair was already hidding her confusion.

« It's just coffee. »

She stopped dead. Burke was holding his breath. Time was suspended.

Cristina finally faced him. He couldn't read her.

« Good », she whispered.

« Okay »

« Okay ».

She picked up the cup and resumed her way out.

Burke didn't try to make her stay. He wasn't affraid anymore.

They were both beaming because they knew it was so much more than coffee.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven 

They didn't need to hide anymore. They didn't need to fake indifference anymore. He had offered her coffee and she had accepted it. They both knew exactly what it meant. They « just » had to say it now. Not the easiest.

So, the next morning, they just met near Cristina's bench. They shyly smiled at each other then sat in silence. Burke slightly turned to allow himself to stare at the beautiful woman who was next to him, playing nervously with a sleeve. He could finally enjoy it and felt weeks of frustrations fly away as he was examining her delicate features. She wasn't looking at him but he could see her eyes shine with excitement and uncertainty. Burke knew someone had to talk. Or Cristina may run away. Despite the coffee. Despite her coming here today to meet him. But he couldn't think of something significant to tell her. Words, sentences, were melting in his head. He called it the « Cristina effect ». When she was next to him, he was now longer the Preston Burke he used to be. The professional, rationnal man. When a butterfly's wings creates tiny changes in the atmosphere, a tornado appears at the back of beyond. Cristina was his colourful butterfly and she had created many hurricanes in his life.

« Since when have you noticed me ? »

The question was softly and quietly asked. He hadn't expected her to first talk. A single sentence, and she had managed to comfort and throw him off balance.

« I don't know. Quite a long time… »

He smiled at her and waited a little. Cristina was still looking at him. He could have lost himself into these eyes. But she needed to hear more. He could still read her.

« The first time I saw you, I thought I was having an awake dream. I was running in the park and suddenly I saw wild curly black hair in the corner of my eye. When I turned back, you weren't there anymore. Because I couldn't doubt it. It was you. I would have recognised any tiny bit of you, anywhere in the world. »

He paused again. He didn't need to ask her why she wanted to know all these things. Because he had asked all these questions to himself when he had understood she came daily to catch a glimpse on him. He had found the answers with the time. He knew why they both came here everyday. She just needed to hear it. She wanted to know she wasn't the fool of the story. Both of them were.

« I came back everyday. Even when you weren't there. I noticed you, glancing at me from your bench. Yesterday, I understood you had made the first step here, so I had to do the next. But, actually, the first time I saw you here, I was mad at you. »

He felt Cristina flinching at his words. Her look had suddenly changed from expectation to fear. The panic he had seen in her eyes the day before, when he had surprised her, was back. What had he done ? How could he have turned this stubborn, confident and competitive tiger into a broken and scared kitten ? He had hurt her much more than he guessed, blinded by his own pride, anger and stubborness.

« Cristina… », he said softly, trying to reach her gaze. What words couldn't express, their eyes had always managed to do it. He had moved his face closer to hers and could feel her chaotic breath warming his skin. With his right hand, he gently raised her chin so she couldn't do anything but look at him. « Don't worry Cristina », he whispered. « You don't have to worry anymore. There will be an happy ending to this. » He retained his breath, looking for understanding in her eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight 

« Okay. Go on » Her voice was steady. « I want to know things, I need to know these things. » The sparkle was back. The one that had made him fall in love with her. The one that meant fiery Cristina was still there. Burke was craving to hold her tight in his arms, to kiss her passionnately, to give way to his desire. He smiled at her as he realised that with a few words, she had again managed to mess him up.

« Okay. So, the first time I was mad at you. » She hadn't turned her look away this time. « I couldn't stand the person I was since the day I had broken with you. I hated myself but I was still thinking you were the one I hated. But it wasn't you and it will never be. Never. Never...Okay ? » His voice broke as he was uttering these three last words.

« Okay… » Cristina had barely spoken but this was enough to cheer Burke.

« I was mad at you, at me, at the world but I couldn't help waiting for you everyday. I spent hours wondering why you were here and why I was so eagerly looking forward to see you. I didn't find the answers immediatly but… »

« And now, you have ? », Cristina interrupted.

« Yes, I have found them. » Instinctively, he started to run his hand through her hair as he had done it million times before. He was uncertain if she wanted to hear the words. These three words he had told her maybe too many times but she had never said. Her cheek was resting against his palm. Her skin was silk : soft, warm and fresh in the same time, simply intoxicating.

« That's enough for today. I am a busy person. Come on ! »

Cristina had jumped on her feet and was pulling his arm.

« What are you exactly doing ? »

« I'm trying to make you get up ! So, you can show me if you've improved your running lately. »

A smile played on her face. Burke was astonished. She had stopped their first talk for months to invite him to run. In fact, that was his Cristina. His competitive, challenging Cristina. He shouldn't be surprised. He raised an eyebrow and couldn't help but smile as he followed her.

Thirty minutes later, Cristina stopped and leant against an oak to get her breath back.

« You haven't… trained enough … yet to beat me ! » She was teasing him while he slowly walked towards her, his hand on his waist.

« That's at least a advantage for living so far from here… » She had closed her eyes, trying to breathe slowly.

« Stop rejoicing. I let you win ». She shivered as she felt his warm breathe in her neck. He had approached without a noise and had whispered in her ear. His stomach was slightly pressed against her. He had taken her by the wraist and his powerful but delicate hands were now resting on the small of her back. She could feel his chest heave, his heart beat in osmosis with hers. Her body was filled with energy and desire. Everything that was fuzzy and messy inside her had just regained its place.

She gently moved her face and slightly brushed his lips to make sure she wasn't dreaming. Burke kissed her back softly in the corner of the mouth, half on her cheek. A sensual and tender kiss. A kiss that said « I care for you.». A kiss that said « I want you ». A kiss that said everything she had always wanted to hear.

« I love you »

« I love you too », were the only words Burke managed to utter before Cristina gripped his neck to drew him to her. Their lips met with avidity while their tongues were deeply interlacing. They were redecovering what none of them had forgotten. They both had dreamed this instant and that's what made it so vivid. Their blow on the skin, on the tongue made them shiver in the depths of their soul. They couldn't break the embrace. Nothing could never tear them appart. Their kiss lasted an eternity. Until they heard an outraged comment beside them. They looked at each other and couldn't help laughing.

Burke gripped Cristina's hand and they both started to run. Their fingers were entwined when they entered Burke's appartment, then, when they screamed in delight several times this night and still when they awoke lately the next morning, cuddled up in each others arms.

Fin


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